


Without Her

by foreverwayward



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Death, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, F/M, Grief, Grieving Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:01:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22643029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverwayward/pseuds/foreverwayward
Summary: Dean mourns the loss of the love of his life.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean Winchester/You, Dean winchester/unnamed character
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	Without Her

He hadn’t cried yet. Even at her funeral, Dean remained stoic, lost in the flames dancing over her body. 

After it had died down, he went off on his own, not even wanting to be around Sam.

The smell of ash and fire still hung on Dean as he sat alone in the woods. He wondered if his hair, clothes, and skin would ever not smell like the pyre. Or if his lungs would ever forget the smoke.

Dean’s eyes flooded as he listened to the silence around him. There was an emptiness in the air, one that only she once filled.

_“Dean, stop!” she laughed as he chased her around the kitchen._

_With food covering his face, he continued to go after her. “But I just want a kiss, sweetheart.”_

_She yelped as Dean caught her and wrapped his arms around her, picking her up as she threw her head back laughing._

There was never a time in the hunter’s life where he thought he would find someone like her. He never even imagined falling in love, let alone with another hunter. But she was different, she brought him to life.

All the pain, the heartache, and the loss disappeared when Dean was with her. He could forget the job and just lose himself in her.

_The two laid together in bed, just staring at each other. A content smile sat on Dean’s face as he held her close._

_Brushing the hair from her face, he put his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. “I love you.”_

_“I know,” she answered with a loving grin._

The trees and earth were still wet from the barely drizzling rain. Dean could feel the damp dirt shift beneath his boots, water trickling from the still soaked trees.

He began to cry, realizing the last time he would get to hold her was when he carried her body to the pyre. The life they had dreamed of together, would never happen.

_“Give her a little gas, sweetheart,” Dean said from the passenger side as she drove the Impala down a lonely highway._

_With a playful smirk, she leaned into the pedal and Baby roared as she coasted down the road. “Whoo!” she cried out._

_Dean laughed and beamed with love watching her. It was the little moments with her that made him fall in love with her all over again._

As he sobbed, Dean reached into his jacket pocket. His hand wrapped around a small box that he pulled out. Dean looked at it longingly as it sat in his hands.

It took several minutes before he could open it. Wiping his tears onto his sleeve, he popped the box open to show a diamond ring staring back at him. It was the one she saw in the window that day they went walking downtown, the one that made her eyes sparkle.

_Sam and Dean sat with her watching movies late into the night. She was cuddled into the oldest brother as he held her close. They all laughed with full mouths of popcorn enjoying their first night off in far too long._

_Dean’s heart was full and at peace, as he looked at his partners, his family. She completed their puzzle and was truly a Winchester through and through._

_“I love you,” she whispered._

_He smirked as he kissed the top of her head. “I know.”_

What kind of life could Dean have without her when _she_ was his life? She was the only future he ever wanted.

He wept as he took the ring from the box and held it in his fingers. Through his heavy breathing, the cold air clouded in front of him. 

Did she really know how much he loved her? Was there ever a moment she doubted it?

She never hesitated in sacrificing herself for Sam and Dean. Her last decision would be the one that kept the brothers safe. Dean could never forget her bloodied face, mischievous smile, and tear-filled eyes in that final moment before giving it all for her family. And with that thought, Dean squeezed the ring in his hand as his head fell.

Alone, and a shell of the man he was when he was with her, Dean mourned the love of his life. All that could be heard were the falling droplets of water, the gentle wind, and the strained cries of Dean’s broken heart.

“…I love you.”


End file.
